What Authentic Love Really Looks Like

Pause for a minute and ask yourself this question: Do I love my family, partner, friends, or loved ones in the manner they prefer to be loved, or according to my own preference? Too often, we are taken aback when those closest to us feel unseen and undervalued, despite our efforts to show up in love in the ways we believe are right for us.

The truth is, love is not merely shaped by intention, but also by how it is received and interpreted by the other person. And when love begins to carry expectation in return, it slowly shifts from something freely given into something quietly transactional, rather than truly unconditional.

Is Love Meant to be Felt, Not Assumed?

Misunderstandings in relationships often do not stem from a lack of love, but from differences in how love is expressed and interpreted. What feels meaningful to one person may not necessarily register in the same way for another, creating a subtle gap between intention and experience. Over time, this misalignment can contribute to feelings of distance, being undervalued, or emotional disconnection—whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or family bonds.

Gary Chapman, who introduced the concept of the five love languages, explains that people generally give and receive love in five primary ways: words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, and physical touch. These “languages” help explain why love can be sincerely offered, yet still not fully received. 

A mother arrives home carrying flowers and chocolates after her child fails a crucial exam, believing the gesture says, “It will get better,” loudly enough. Yet across the room, the child sits quietly, not longing for gifts, but for conversation, presence, and time. The flowers and chocolates are thoughtful and the intention is genuine yet somehow the love still fails to land where it is needed most. This is where many relationships quietly fracture, it is not in a lack of love but in a lack of translation. It is therefore imperative to seek how our loved ones – partners, family and friends prefer receiving love, so that it is felt, seen, and valued.

The True Character of Love According to Experts

Love is usually misapprehended as a feeling based only on attraction, affection, or emotional attachment. However, various experts state that genuine love is rooted in patience, putting others before our needs, emotional safety, and the willingness to give without expecting personal gain. These views collectively present love as an unwavering commitment expressed through actions.

The biblical text in 1 Corinthians 13 : 4 – 7 presents love as patient, kind, humble, and thoughtful. The scripture explains that love is not jealous, arrogant, rude, or self-seeking, nor easily provoked, but instead “bears all things regardless of what comes, believes all things, looking for the best in others, hopes all things, endures all things without weakening.” This reveals love as a deliberate decision to be resilient and compassionate, one that remains constant, even in the face of hardship and adversity.

A famous relationship coach on love, Matthew Hussey once mentioned that love is a decision, “not some fluctuating emotion or feeling that we cannot rely on day by day,” which reveals that love is ultimately a choice we make. 

From a neuropsychological perspective, Dr. Nawal Mustafa frames the importance of emotional and physical well-being within relationships. She explains that love “should not hurt your mental and physical well-being”, reinforcing the idea that healthy love should provide emotional safety and support rather than emotional jeopardy.

In addition, Stephen Labossiere (Stephen Speaks), a certified dating and relationship coach who focuses on emotional healing and healthy relationships, states that love is about giving. He then raises a reflective question: “So we have to ask ourselves, do we know what their needs are, are we willing to fulfil those needs?” His perspective indicates that love requires intentional effort, attentiveness, and sacrifice rather than merely verbal expressions of affection.

In the end, love in any form of relationship ought not to be a walk in the park but work. It should be taken as an assignment that requires you and I to seek and understand what love actually is and what it looks like in our beloved's eyes. Then deliver its characteristics, but most importantly we need to translate it to them in the way they comprehend.